3 for one!
The panda got his two black eyes
by saying things that were not wise.
So it should come as no surprise
that we all tell so many lies.
*******************************
Getting cancer by cell phone
is certainly alarming.
But even worse is Rachel Ray
when she is being charming.
*********************************8
I try to remain positive
and keep an outlook sunny.
But paying for your pet’s portrait
means you have [...]
Buckaroo!
The cowboy rides a horse to work.
He punches cattle as a perk.
He twirls a looping lariat
and at saloons will tarry at.
As a youth I thought his stance
was all adventure and romance.
In my mature, considered view . . .
I wish I were a buckaroo!
Children
Children who are seen, not heard,
are rarer than the dodo bird.
Shyness does not seem to be
part of their philosophy.
Louder than a tugboat horn
from the day that they are born,
volume is their one concern;
up and up the knob they turn.
Then about the age fourteen
the noise grows absolutely lean.
Now the silence is so thick
you can poke it [...]
Public Television
When I’m watching Channel Two
seems I’m always at the zoo
or it’s British comedy,
mumbling incessantly.
When the good stuff does arrive,
it is for their own fund drive,
which goes on forevermore,
causing me to sit and snore.
No hard feelings, but I want
culture not so much to flaunt.
So adieu to TPT,
hello Die Hard DVD!
Swimming
Heading to the local beach,
I find the water out of reach;
placards quickly come in view,
telling me what not to do:
No inner tubes.
No scuba gear.
No pets allowed.
You can’t drink beer.
No piggyback.
No high dive leaps.
No sun bathing.
No driftwood heaps.
No volley ball.
No outside food.
No sand castles.
No attitude.
Still I perservere in spite
of signage grim in black and white.
But just [...]
4 poems for one price
In-laws are funny breed;
every marriage has ‘em.
You will be at peace if they
live across a chasm.
*******************************
When you turn the other cheek
be careful, heaven knows,
it doesn’t leave you open to
a punch right on the nose.
*********************************
I’ve read the Bible, so I know
my enemies to cherish;
but I could love them so much more
if they would only perish.
***************************************
The difference [...]
Minnesota Land
Don’t prate about your lefse
here in Minnesota-land,
or the lutefisk and stuff on sticks
that you think is so grand.
I’ll tell you who has bragging rights,
no matter what the dips,
is Old Dutch with their choice of flavored
great potato chips.
Totino’s Pizza is okay.
Creamettes can do no harm;
but nothing matches Old Dutch
chips for flakiness and charm.
The flour down at [...]
The Bagpipe
The bagpipe makes a brazen sound
between a groan and bleat.
Old Brahms himself could not compose
a note for it that’s sweet.
The bagpipe comes from Scotland
where they feel no shred of guilt
in playing it the live-long day
in nothing but a kilt.
Playing one takes lots of air
and even more of courage,
because no matter what you play
it winds up [...]
Economists
Economists do not get sacked,
outsourced, downsized, or fired.
In fact the worse finances are
the more of them get hired.
They have no money of their own
but ours they can direct
to market shares for bulls and bears
’til we are derelect.
Don’t ever turn your back on one
or they will pick your pocket,
and in the name of research take
your watch [...]
Charity
Charity begins at home
so do not be a slouch;
fill your pockets with spare change
and sit upon my couch.
