Two Sides Of The Same Coin
In a world where gossip
masquerades as fact
what need for compassion,
truthfulness or tact?
When every source is unnamed
and every poll is skewed
every public figure
will soon be barbequed.
The media is biased,
bought or just a drone;
the only news reliable
is on a man’s tombstone.
******************************
Newspapers are shrinking
like the Polar ice, I hear.
They’re laying off employees
without shedding one brief tear.
I guess they’re [...]
I Wish I Were An Atheist
I wish I were an atheist
cuz then it wouldn’t count
that I never memorized
the Sermon on the Mount.
The Ten Commandments wouldn’t be
a drag on all my fun
and I could make some whoopee
like that Prodigal young son.
I’d never have to go again
to some old Sunday School
or turn the other cheek at all
or live the Golden Rule.
I could [...]
Vegan
If you are a vegan
everybody wants to know
will you write a book
or be a guest on their talk show.
Vegans are much hotter
than a movie star or doc,
even when we think their
pose is nothing but a crock.
Everyone admires them
for being so austere,
for having a keen conscience
that must be so crystal clear.
Their health must be perfection
and their [...]
Paper Work
When I dig into paperwork,
unraveling red tape,
I curse it all in triplicate
as unfit for an ape.
Anything requiring
initials on each page
should go into a shredder
or the bottom of a cage.
There never is quite room enough
to write the info in;
abbreviations are forbid,
considered a grave sin.
So often you are given pens
containing magic ink;
it starts out very strong but [...]
Ethanol
Ethanol’s the coming thing,
we ought to push it real hard.
It brings in jobs and money,
just don’t build it near my backyard.
Breaking free of foreign oil
and using nature’s bounty,
it’s our duty to install
a plant in the next county.
Never mind the smell or noise
or watershed pollution–
as long as it’s built somewhere else
it is a great solution!
Watches
I think it is iniquitous
that watches are ubiquitous;
digital or moving hands,
their faces give me swollen glands;
every wrist is shackled so –
in the dark they even glow;
sweet freedom lies ahead, unmapped,
as soon as we are all unstrapped!
Up a Creek
McCain is up a creek
without a paddle or a boat;
his VP is a nitwit
and his politics won’t float.
His chances of convincing
voters to embrace his cause
are ’bout the same as Playboy
being bought by Santa Claus.
His only hope of winning
is if corporate big wheels
fix computer voting
so election night he steals.
If he wins by cheating
he will join a [...]
Suspenders
I like to wear suspenders
cuz I’m fighting gravity.
I know a belt is normal
but it’s never worry-free.
Trousers have no backbone;
they are spineless jellyfish.
They’d tumble like the Dow Jones
if they got their wicked wish.
Of course it might be better,
with the way that I am built,
to give up trousers anyway
and start to wear a kilt.
The Handkerchief
The handkerchief is out of date,
a dodo in the works.
Old ladies carry one about
for their hygienic quirks.
A piece of cloth that’s crawling
with more germs than petri dish;
every time you blow your nose
a colony you squish.
Now I carry kleenex
and I hope that you do too.
Cuz sneezing into handkerchiefs
promotes a virus zoo
that may escape your pockets
and give [...]
Green Turtles from The Mall
My parents never let me have
a dog when I was small.
Nothing was allowed except
green turtles from the mall.
A plastic dish of gravel
with a plastic lone palm tree,
a silent, solemn, turtle –
that was good enough for me.
The size of silver dollars
and immobile as a rock,
my turles had a jaundiced eye
that all the world did mock.
I got [...]
