The Shopping Cart
I go into the market
and pick out a shopping cart.
No matter which I’ve choosen
it begins to act real smart.
The handle is all sticky
and the wheels are such a fright,
sounding like a screech owl
being murdered in the night.
I try to push it straight ahead
but it has other plans,
zigging when I want to zag
and crashing into cans.
I’m [...]
The Orphan Hotdish
The night was bleary with cold rain,
the Pastor was in bed,
when a knock upon his door
did fill his heart with dread.
‘Who would risk the soaking rain
on such a night? Poor soul!’
The Pastor put his trousers on
and down the steps did roll.
Out the door he stuck his head
but no one did he see.
Then, glancing down, there [...]
The Little Angels
Little fingers like to pry
where they don’t belong.
Little feet will toddle
on a pathway wrong.
Little tongues demand to taste
things like laundry soap.
Little kids are only safe
tied up with a rope.
Refrigerator Magnets
Refrigerator magnets,
those brightly colored specks,
glistening like fish scales,
my kitchen decor wrecks.
It started with the doctor,
his number on a plaque,
stuck up at my eye level
in case of heart attack.
I got one from the dentist
and then my plumber, too.
The hardware store gave me one
that’s shaped just like a screw.
I got one from the pharmacy,
the butcher and the [...]
Goodbye Already
When I say good-bye I mean
that I am really going;
I don’t stand around and keep
the idle chit-chat flowing.
People who say ‘farewell’
and then hang around like dandruff
ought to be stuffed full of something
like organic bran, rough.
Do not say ‘adieu’ unless
your really mean to clearly
exit, vanish, hit the road,
and do it quite sincerely.
False good-byes are loathsome
and a [...]
Short Changed Again
The world is getting smaller
is what people say & think–
and they are right, by golly!
when I watch my burger shrink.
The Whopper isn’t whopping
like it used to whop before.
They’ve shrunk the meat, the cheese,
the bun, and mayo is no more!
And if you order pizza
with a thin crust, do not chafer
that the crust is see-through
like a doily [...]
Bon Bons
The toothbrush is a noble tool,
but not when it’s electric;
I will not put into my mouth
anything so hectic.
****************
I’m thankful for my daily bread,
but am not much a partisan
of expensive slices which
bakers lable ‘artisan’.
*************************
The Sabbath is a day of rest,
but only for the sinner.
The righteous sit all day in church;
the rest go out to dinner.
Confession
Confession is good for the soul;
on this I am perfectly clear.
So when I find fault in my friends,
I confess it to all that will hear!
Grandpa
Oh Grandpa won’t you come out please –
it surely is most vital
that you sit in a folding chair
at our ballet recital.
My child, the years have left me stiff
and subject to lumbago;
if I sit in a folding chair
I’d turn into a Lego.
Oh Grandpa, take us fishing please.
We hear that they are biting.
My dear, you’ll find the [...]
