Friendly Nebraska
Nebraska is a friendly state;
they’ll take care of your kids
if they’re ill or damaged or
have gone and flipped their lids.
Even if you’re out of state
just drive on in and drop
your troubled teen at their doorstep
and then go out and shop.
If Nebraska wants to make
their state more friendly still,
they’ll let us drop our parents off
when they [...]
Irrelevant Republicans
Irrelevant Republicans,
your golden days are through;
you couldn’t get attention
if they put you in the zoo.
Like dinosaurs who waited
for that fatal asteroid,
you have stood in place until
your party’s null and void.
But wait around for eight more years,
and Democrats are bound
to run the goodwill they’ve accrued
into the cold, cold ground.
Two Sides Of The Same Coin
In a world where gossip
masquerades as fact
what need for compassion,
truthfulness or tact?
When every source is unnamed
and every poll is skewed
every public figure
will soon be barbequed.
The media is biased,
bought or just a drone;
the only news reliable
is on a man’s tombstone.
******************************
Newspapers are shrinking
like the Polar ice, I hear.
They’re laying off employees
without shedding one brief tear.
I guess they’re [...]
I Wish I Were An Atheist
I wish I were an atheist
cuz then it wouldn’t count
that I never memorized
the Sermon on the Mount.
The Ten Commandments wouldn’t be
a drag on all my fun
and I could make some whoopee
like that Prodigal young son.
I’d never have to go again
to some old Sunday School
or turn the other cheek at all
or live the Golden Rule.
I could [...]
Vegan
If you are a vegan
everybody wants to know
will you write a book
or be a guest on their talk show.
Vegans are much hotter
than a movie star or doc,
even when we think their
pose is nothing but a crock.
Everyone admires them
for being so austere,
for having a keen conscience
that must be so crystal clear.
Their health must be perfection
and their [...]
Paper Work
When I dig into paperwork,
unraveling red tape,
I curse it all in triplicate
as unfit for an ape.
Anything requiring
initials on each page
should go into a shredder
or the bottom of a cage.
There never is quite room enough
to write the info in;
abbreviations are forbid,
considered a grave sin.
So often you are given pens
containing magic ink;
it starts out very strong but [...]
Ethanol
Ethanol’s the coming thing,
we ought to push it real hard.
It brings in jobs and money,
just don’t build it near my backyard.
Breaking free of foreign oil
and using nature’s bounty,
it’s our duty to install
a plant in the next county.
Never mind the smell or noise
or watershed pollution–
as long as it’s built somewhere else
it is a great solution!
Watches
I think it is iniquitous
that watches are ubiquitous;
digital or moving hands,
their faces give me swollen glands;
every wrist is shackled so –
in the dark they even glow;
sweet freedom lies ahead, unmapped,
as soon as we are all unstrapped!
Up a Creek
McCain is up a creek
without a paddle or a boat;
his VP is a nitwit
and his politics won’t float.
His chances of convincing
voters to embrace his cause
are ’bout the same as Playboy
being bought by Santa Claus.
His only hope of winning
is if corporate big wheels
fix computer voting
so election night he steals.
If he wins by cheating
he will join a [...]
Suspenders
I like to wear suspenders
cuz I’m fighting gravity.
I know a belt is normal
but it’s never worry-free.
Trousers have no backbone;
they are spineless jellyfish.
They’d tumble like the Dow Jones
if they got their wicked wish.
Of course it might be better,
with the way that I am built,
to give up trousers anyway
and start to wear a kilt.
