Timerick
Shut up, Michael Moore.
You’re such an old bore.
You don’t know the score.
You make my ears sore.
Rush Limbaugh, be still.
You’re mentally ill.
Go take a pain pill.
We’ve all had our fill.
Ms Oprah, drop dead.
You live in your head.
You make me see red.
Some weight you should shed.
Jay Leno, too smug.
Do you wear a rug?
Your jokes need a drug.
Your [...]
Short and Sweet
I won’t say the Chinese are
on age matters big liars
but when they get gold medals
they are used as pacifiers.
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Tourists go abroad now
not seeing any sights
but for appendicitis
and grievous overbites.
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Mitt Romney makes a nice VP
cuz Mormons always race
to win that all-important spot
they call the Second Place.
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I read the New York Times today
and realized the news
can be [...]
Bear (mother russia)
A hungry Bear is never safe;
with two heads it just might
smile at you with one of them
as the other takes a bite.
This Bear is on the prowl again
and eating most of Georgia.
Perhaps we ought to take a page
from old Lucretia Borgia.
Make his meal so poisonous
he’ll long recall the pain
and shy away from other sweets
like Poland and [...]
Bon Bons
The toothbrush is a noble tool,
but not when it’s electric;
I will not put into my mouth
anything so hectic.
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I’m thankful for my daily bread,
but am not much a partisan
of expensive slices which
bakers lable ‘artisan’.
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The Sabbath is a day of rest,
but only for the sinner.
The righteous sit all day in church;
the rest go out to dinner.
Salt of the earth
‘The salt of the earth’
no longer is praise;
since ’sodium-free’
is now the catch-phrase.
Confession
Confession is good for the soul;
on this I am perfectly clear.
So when I find fault in my friends,
I confess it to all that will hear!
The country is Going To Wal Marts
The country is going to Walmarts–
and nobody gets to get out.
The country is going to Walmarts–
this message I scream and I shout.
The White House is in the Toy Section,
where plastic and lead paint abound.
The congress and high court officials
are in a box marked ‘Lost and Found”.
The Pentagon wanders in Hardware,
looking for bullet-proof vests.
The children have [...]
Snore
When I retire to my rest
there’s no use in ignoring
the fact that window panes will shake
from my loud steady snoring.
I’m told the sound is something like
two bullfrogs when they’re mating
or similar to summer floods
down in a sewer grating.
I must admit that I sleep well
no matter the noise level.
But others who sleep near to me
wish I’d [...]
Grandpa
Oh Grandpa won’t you come out please –
it surely is most vital
that you sit in a folding chair
at our ballet recital.
My child, the years have left me stiff
and subject to lumbago;
if I sit in a folding chair
I’d turn into a Lego.
Oh Grandpa, take us fishing please.
We hear that they are biting.
My dear, you’ll find the [...]
Lotion
There are lotions for your fingers.
There are lotions for your feet.
There are lotions that are facial
and smell honeysuckle sweet.
They have lotions for cornhuskers
and the udder of a cow.
Oh, they make ‘em out of beeswax
and petroleum somehow.
Then they put in aloe vera
and some lanolin from sheep,
there is oatmeal and cucumbers
to exfoliate quite deep.
The cold cream that [...]
