Just Wondering
A goldfish in a bowl will rarely have a goal. It’s room and board is set. Fears nothing but a net. No clothing does it need. It follows no known creed. In politics is bland; will always vote for sand. Cannot be made to see its part in history. Prefers to drift along, no thought [...]
The Polls
Before I eat my breakfast now I always take a poll to find what kind of cereal to put into my bowl. Contenders include Kashi, Cheerios and Cream of Wheat; I rig it so that Cap’n Crunch all others sure will beat. Then I have to take a poll to find a pair of [...]
Lotion
There are lotions for your fingers. There are lotions for your feet. There are lotions that are facial and smell honeysuckle sweet. They have lotions for cornhuskers and the udder of a cow. Oh, they make ‘em out of beeswax and petroleum somehow. Then they put in aloe vera and some lanolin from sheep, there [...]
Telling Lies
When telling lies be sure to stress their solid bedrock truthfulness. Do this because when you are caught another lie might just be bought. And if that lie is too exploded . . . simply say you’ve been misquoted!
A lesson in economics
We import oil from overseas while sending them our jobs; our unemployed must take the bus to gather into mobs, demanding that the jobs return and gas decrease in price. You might as well tell Vegas they cannot use loaded dice. Let’s all go file for welfare; Uncle Sam is pretty flush. The way he’s [...]
Hurl the rabbit food
A salad is an okay deal – but let’s not overdo it; after all, you cannot fry, or grill, or even stew it. People eat them in the raw (I mean the salad, stupid!) and just betwen the two of us I think the practice two-bit. Despite those ads for V-8 Juice that crop up [...]
Joe Sixpack
Who is this Joe Sixpack that the statisticians quote? Where’s he living, what’s his job, and who will get his vote? Is he just a figment of some adman’s fevered brow or does he live and breathe and go out bowling anyhow? What about Jane Sixpack – can she match him beer for beer? Is [...]
Money and Preachers
I never met a preacher who had money in the bank who didn’t want a little more for topping off his tank. Money and religion never mix and never should. The rich may act quite holy but their heart is made of wood. Wealth is kinda funny, everybody wants their share; but it’s like old [...]
I’ve got a little list
(With apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan) I’ve got a little list that I work on come the dawn of people would not be missed if they were quickly gone. I’d start with commentators who shout everything so loud they do not need a microphone to address any crowd. The drunks on elevators who exude a [...]
Dust bunnies
House plants wither at my touch. The silverware grows dim. Cushions bunch up on the couch in some mad snuggled whim. In one thing I do well at home – In one thing I’m a honey – that’s the raising and the care of any shy dust bunny. Usually beneath the bed they timidly do [...]
