Just Wondering
A goldfish in a bowl
will rarely have a goal.
It’s room and board is set.
Fears nothing but a net.
No clothing does it need.
It follows no known creed.
In politics is bland;
will always vote for sand.
Cannot be made to see
its part in history.
Prefers to drift along,
no thought of right or wrong.
Won’t even have a name,
rejects all earthly fame.
And on its final [...]
The Polls
Before I eat my breakfast now
I always take a poll
to find what kind of cereal
to put into my bowl.
Contenders include Kashi,
Cheerios and Cream of Wheat;
I rig it so that Cap’n Crunch
all others sure will beat.
Then I have to take a poll
to find a pair of pants.
(The scientific citizen
does not leave this to chance!)
Fifty-one-percent are for
a [...]
Lotion
There are lotions for your fingers.
There are lotions for your feet.
There are lotions that are facial
and smell honeysuckle sweet.
They have lotions for cornhuskers
and the udder of a cow.
Oh, they make ‘em out of beeswax
and petroleum somehow.
Then they put in aloe vera
and some lanolin from sheep,
there is oatmeal and cucumbers
to exfoliate quite deep.
The cold cream that [...]
Telling Lies
When telling lies be sure to stress
their solid bedrock truthfulness.
Do this because when you are caught
another lie might just be bought.
And if that lie is too exploded . . .
simply say you’ve been misquoted!
A lesson in economics
We import oil from overseas
while sending them our jobs;
our unemployed must take the bus
to gather into mobs,
demanding that the jobs return
and gas decrease in price.
You might as well tell Vegas
they cannot use loaded dice.
Let’s all go file for welfare;
Uncle Sam is pretty flush.
The way he’s squeezed us all these years
would cause old Scrooge to blush.
Once [...]
Hurl the rabbit food
A salad is an okay deal –
but let’s not overdo it;
after all, you cannot fry,
or grill, or even stew it.
People eat them in the raw
(I mean the salad, stupid!)
and just betwen the two of us
I think the practice two-bit.
Despite those ads for V-8 Juice
that crop up on TV,
meat is what gives pleasure,
health, and pure vitality.
A [...]
Joe Sixpack
Who is this Joe Sixpack
that the statisticians quote?
Where’s he living, what’s his job,
and who will get his vote?
Is he just a figment
of some adman’s fevered brow
or does he live and breathe
and go out bowling anyhow?
What about Jane Sixpack –
can she match him beer for beer?
Is she just a stay-home mom
and little sixpacks rear?
Everybody speaks for [...]
Money and Preachers
I never met a preacher
who had money in the bank
who didn’t want a little more
for topping off his tank.
Money and religion
never mix and never should.
The rich may act quite holy
but their heart is made of wood.
Wealth is kinda funny,
everybody wants their share;
but it’s like old love and war
where everything is fair.
The world is ruled by [...]
I’ve got a little list
(With apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan)
I’ve got a little list
that I work on come the dawn
of people would not be missed
if they were quickly gone.
I’d start with commentators
who shout everything so loud
they do not need a microphone
to address any crowd.
The drunks on elevators
who exude a certain air
that normally you only find
at some back-country fair.
Old hippies [...]
Dust bunnies
House plants wither at my touch.
The silverware grows dim.
Cushions bunch up on the couch
in some mad snuggled whim.
In one thing I do well at home –
In one thing I’m a honey –
that’s the raising and the care
of any shy dust bunny.
Usually beneath the bed
they timidly do stall.
In my house they roll boldly ’round
like some gray [...]
